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    October 23

    ~第一個10/25~

    好久了,記不得你的樣貌,記不得妳的笑聲,記不得你的溫度,一年的時間可以讓我忘了那麼多。如今只有偶爾在夢裡與你相遇,也只在夢裡傷心哭泣,一醒來便忘記。這365天也讓我改變好多,少了真正的笑,少了一個人撒嬌,少了一個擁抱。偶爾會想感覺戀愛是什麼 味道,而且戀愛的時候我都在做什麼,會感到幸福的是什麼。可是,自己除了傷心以外,什麼都感覺不到。曾利用過幾個女生的感情來填補空虛,但是卻越來越空虛。我只想知道,你為了什麼離開我 ? 我不是你的最愛嗎 ? 你不是說我最疼你的嗎?
    與其說不傷心,其實是我封閉自己的心,我刻意的遺忘你,只要一有機會就去喝酒,去爬山旅行。賺得的薪水,幾乎都玩樂去了,不再像以前一樣理財儲蓄、省吃儉用了。因為已經沒有了目標了,有錢也換不回以前的你,買不回以前的愛,你知道嗎 ? 你是我的精神支柱,自從你離去後,都覺得我隨時可以離開了。
    腦子裡其實希望你過得不好,這樣我才會好過一些,這第一個10/25讓我想起你怎麼甩了我,用什麼話刺激我,那無情的臉,我都不會忘記的。有人告訴我,或許你早已背叛了。我想也是,不然那時會經常半夜都還不回家,要不然就是半夜出門,只是不願懷疑你。經常說很多時間在陪我,可是不是心不在焉就是在講電話,以為人在我身邊就可以了。我不是小家子氣的人,但我還是希望你過得不好,這樣我才會好過一些。
    感情可以讓人瘋癲到這程度,是我意想不到的,原來這麼痛,原來這麼不容易癒合。
    會不會遇到下一個,我可以更疼愛她的!

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